Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize