Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
