Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
