Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
