Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Boobs speak an international language.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
