i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
