My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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