Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
