if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
