Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
