all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
