3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
