His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
