Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize