i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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