"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
