now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
