i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
