you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
