So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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