I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
