I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
