dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize