Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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