For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize