you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
