He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Panties = found
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