Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
