I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
