Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
