I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
