I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
