I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize