Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
