To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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