We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
