made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
