i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
