i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
