Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
