FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
