suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
