speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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