remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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