One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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