He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
