I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I queefed so loud it echoed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
