My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
