mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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