She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
