they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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