He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
