he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think my moral compass just broke
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
tell me about the eggs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
