it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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