i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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