sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
