I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i came on her dog
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
