he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize