dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
