I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
