but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
