is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
