If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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