Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
