Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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